We build a story about everything that happens in our life. When we were little and things happened that we didn’t understand, we would try and figure it out by making up a story. An example would be if our parents were fighting it was our fault, if only we could be better. Or, if we tried something and didn’t get it right away, the story became that we can’t do that, we failed, we aren’t smart enough, etc.
Now as adults we have all these stories, some good, some bad, about what we believe our lives look like and who we are and what we can achieve. Some of the stories are true and some are not. For instance, if we tried to start a little business and if ‘fails’ the story might be that I failed at the business, I’m not good at starting a business, people think I’m a failure, I lost money, I’ll never risk failure again. But we can change the story to; I was brave to try something new, I learned a lot, people who matter would never think I am a failure, the next time I try something new I will get some support so I don’t make the same mistakes.
Can you see how the first thought process is defeating and the second is empowering? Just change the story.
In talking to my sister Carmela, she pointed out that sometimes our stories need on going work. Some of these deeply engrained beliefs need time to work themselves out. We change the story a little, then we find a part of it isn’t serving us so we tweak it a little more. Or sometimes we change the story and it works for a while then we slip back into our old thinking.
So I encourage you if you have a defeating story – CHANGE IT! – If you feel too stuck and can’t figure out the new story contact me and we can work on it together.